Don’t Cry For Me World Rugby


Don’t Cry For Me World Rugby

(Song titles in italics, singers in square brackets. To be sung to the music of the musical “Evita”.)

“Oh What A Circus”

[Hail Pelicus:]              Oh what a circus, oh what a show
                                       Argentina has left town
                                       After the finals defeat by USA 7s
                                       We’ve all gone crazy
                                       Partying all day and partying all night
                                       Falling over ourselves to get all of the celebration right

                                       Oh what an exit, that’s how to go
                                       When they’re sounding the final hooter
                                       Standing alone like America’s team
                                       It’s quite a sunset
                                       And good for rugby in a roundabout way
                                       We’ve made the front page of all the world’s papers today

                                       But who is this USA 7s?
                                       Why all this howling, hysterical cheering?
                                       What kind of gods has lived among us?
                                       How did we ever get by without them?

                                       They had their moments, they had some style
                                       The best show in town was the crowd
                                       Inside Sam Boyd Stadium crying, “Go USA!”
                                       But that’s all gone now
                                       As soon as the smoke from the firework clears
                                       We’re all gonna see and how, they did everything right

“On This Night Of A Thousand Stars”

[Hail Pelicus:]              Now USA Rugby had every disadvantage
                                       You need if you’re gonna succeed
                                       No money, no cash
                                       No rugby tradition
                                       There was nowhere they’ve been
                                       In the game of fifteens

                                       But as the Sevens Series found out … 2015 London 7s
                                       Who has the distinction of being the first
                                       Tournament to be won by USA 7s

[USA:]                             On this night of a thousand stars
                                       Let me take you to Twickenham
                                       Where the music of rugby sevens
                                       Plays for evermore

                                       In the glow of those twinkling lights
                                       We shall play through eternity
                                       On this night in a million nights
                                       Fly away with me

                                       I never dreamed that a win could be as sweet as this
                                       But now I know that it can
                                       We used to try so hard without a win of our own
                                       We were desperate to a man
                                       But all our grief disappeared and all the sorrow we’d feared
                                       Wasn’t there anymore
                                       On that magical day when we first won a Cup
                                       In London

                                       On this night
                                       On this night

“Rugby’s Latest Flame”

[Hail Pelicus:]              At the watering holes of the Sevens Series
                                       I detect a resistance to
[ENG, NZL, FIJ, RSA:]   Precisely!
[Hail Pelicus:]              The American’s style
[ENG, NZL, FIJ, RSA:]   We’re glad you noticed!

[Hail Pelicus:]              The top nations of the Series table
[ENG, NZL, FIJ, RSA:]   Give them a win!
[Hail Pelicus:]              Are afraid the Sleeping Giant
                                       Of world rugby
[ENG, NZL, FIJ, RSA:]   They’ll try again!

[ENG, NZL, FIJ, RSA:]   Such a shame they wandered
                                       Into the Cup round
                                       How unfortunate these upstarts
                                       Have forced us to be blunt
                                       No we wouldn’t mind them
                                       Playing in a final
                                       But behind on the scoreboard, not in front

[Hail Pelicus:]              Could there be in our rugby corps
                                       A lack of enthusiasm for
[ENG, NZL, FIJ, RSA:]   Exactly!
[Hail Pelicus:]              Rugby’s latest flame
[ENG, NZL, FIJ, RSA:]   You said it brother!

[Hail Pelicus:]              Should you wish to cause great distress
                                       And make your pool a mess
                                       Just mention their name

[ENG, NZL, FIJ, RSA:]   That isn’t funny!

                                       Winning their pool, breaking every taboo
                                       Installed as a regular in the Cup round, too
                                       And they’re the States, the last straw
                                       Their only good sports are the ones they make up
                                       World Champions at sports that no one else plays
                                       This is our game, it’s not theirs

                                       The evidence suggests
                                       They have other interests
                                       They can’t be this good
                                       Never thought they would
                                       Dangerous team!

                                       We have allowed ourselves to slip
                                       We have completely lost our grip
                                       We have declined to an all-time low
                                       Yanks have become the team to know

[USA:]                             I am only a rugby team with just one Series win
                                       Our experience in finals is much, much too thin
                                       We are tired of the dismissal of the Americans
                                       With no sign of a tournament expecting to give us the Cup we deserve

[ENG, NZL, FIJ, RSA:]   It’s no crime for nations to try as they might
                                       As long and they know they will lose the last fight
                                       We ignore, we disregard
                                       But once they allow to run on the outside
                                       To step through the center where our tackling has died
                                       We are forced to concede the try

                                       They should get into their head
                                       They should not get out of bed
                                       They should know that there’s no chance
                                       They could make the final dance
                                       They won again!

[Hail Pelicus:]              This has really been your year, USA 7s
                                       Tell us where you go from here, USA 7s
                                       Which are the teams that you yearn to play?
                                       Who will you run past and beat today?

[USA:]                             We’re ready for the final, the try line’s mine
                                       That’s no help to the Argentine

[Hail Pelicus:]              Can we hope then that you’ll win?
                                       Is this because of your involvement with Mike Friday?

[ENG, NZL, FIJ, RSA:]   Things have reached a pretty pass
                                       When some team pretty lower-class
                                       Graceless and vulgar, uninspired
                                       Can be accepted and admired

“Don’t Cry For Me World Rugby”

[USA:]                             It won’t be easy, you’ll think it strange
                                       You’ll have to get used to the States
                                       Still standing on top after all that you’ve done

                                       You won’t believe us
                                       All you will see is a team you once knew
                                       Although they’re on the podium
                                       After the sevens with you

                                       We had to let it happen, we had to change
                                       Couldn’t stay all our life down at heel
                                       Looking up at the champions, staying out of the Cup

                                       So we chose winning
                                       Running around, trying everything new
                                       Our quality impressing you all
                                       As we expected it to

                                       Don’t cry for me World Rugby
                                       The truth is we never left you
                                       From the Olympics
                                       Back in the 20s
                                       We’ve always been here
                                       We’ll always be here

                                       And as for rugby, we love the game
                                       We’ve always been passionate here
                                       Though it seems to the world we need foreign players

                                       They are illusions
                                       They are not the solutions they promised to be
                                       The answer was here all the time
                                       The Sleeping Giant awakening now

                                       Don’t cry for me World Rugby

                                       Don’t cry for me World Rugby
                                       The truth is we never left you
                                       From the Olympics
                                       Back in the 20s
                                       We’ve always been here
                                       We’ll always be here

                                       Have we said too much?
                                       There’s nothing more we can think of to say to you.
                                       But all you have to do is look at us to know
                                       That every word is true

(And the final curtain drops)

This Week’s Photo

Hail, Pelicus!
For the Senate
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